i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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