I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
