i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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