Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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