peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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