This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
