Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
