This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
this must be what syphilis tastes like
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
