The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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