u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
