I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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