My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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