just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
