If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
