Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
