omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
