Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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