Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
