my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize