is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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