I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
