Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
