he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
