you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
