I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
