im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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