so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
