Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
