We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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