we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
