anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
