So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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