I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
