Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
