is your mom at the bar?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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