You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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