Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
