you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize