It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
