Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
