You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
