I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
