so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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