i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
