I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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