Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
