You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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