meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
