I'm jealous of your bromance
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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