I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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