Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
