Where did you get a picture of my penis
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize