Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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