So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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