At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
