Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Your cock deserves a montage
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
