also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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