I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
