I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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