i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize