Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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