just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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