i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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