Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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