you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
