You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
