i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
