It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
