He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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