it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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