youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
