where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
