How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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