why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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