Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
