he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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