When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
