So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
