omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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