i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
