And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
