why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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