Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
