My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
