The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Is it because I queefed?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
