my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i think i just lost a toe
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
