Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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