So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
