john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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