you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
